OMG PD: Disgustingly Drunk, 'Red Bull' Bandit

Piss(ing) Drunk?

Ever laughed so hard you urinated…in an elevator? One Massachusetts woman can now add that to her list of life accomplishments following her arrest in East Providence last week. Police arrived at a hotel after receiving a call about a disturbance, finding the 22-year-old woman and her 21-year-old friend at the scene. Employees told police that the 22-year-old woman had urinated in the hotel’s elevator. When asked what prompted her to do number one in the elevator, the woman allegedly told police that her friend had “told her a funny joke that made her urinate onto the floor.” Both women were arrested on charges of disorderly conduct.

Cleanup In Aisle 10

Most times when the North Kingstown Police Department responds to Kohl’s, it’s for a case of shoplifting. This past week, however, they got an eyeful of something else after an employee allegedly saw a customer masturbating in the men’s department. Police brought the man, who is from China, into the store’s back office and learned that he did not speak English. When officers began to explain the situation to the man, he allegedly fell to his knees sobbing and began to beg for forgiveness – and then started slapping himself across the face. Unable to communicate with the man due to the language barrier, police called a local Chinese restaurant in hopes of finding a translator. Luckily, an employee at the restaurant was able to help officers bridge the gap. According to the translator, the man did admit to exposing himself in the store, but he denied masturbating. Apparently, the man said he was suffering from “extreme itchiness” and needed to scratch himself. Kohl’s chose not to press charges against the man, but police did issue a no-trespass order.

Red Bull Bandit's Drug Stowaways 

When you can hide drug paraphernalia in the folds of your skin, it’s probably time to hit the gym. According to reports, a man wanted on multiple counts of shoplifting cans of Red Bull from several RI communities was caught by Middletown police following a traffic stop. Police arrested the man and brought him to the police station. Officers became suspicious when a wallet fell out from the man’s stomach area. After lifting his shirt, police found a large section of fatty skin was folded over his stomach. Underneath the fold, police allegedly discovered a used syringe and a spoon with residue that later tested positive for cocaine.