Stay-At-Home Dads — Growing Steadily

That guy you just noticed on the playground giving juice boxes to the twin toddlers who threw sand at one another right after one decided to strip down to his pull-up is not giving his wife the day off: he’s there every Tuesday and Thursday, and on Wednesday morning he’s at storytime at the library. In between times, he’s home loading the dishwasher, sorting laundry and making his two-year-old twin sons grilled cheese for lunch.  It’s not that he’s a freak of nature or has been trained by his wife to carry off such amazing duties. He happens to be on the cutting edge—a stay-at-home dad!

Our NK Parents’ Council found this topic very interesting because many of them knew a family where the father stays home with the kids while the mom does the corporate thing and it’s working out better than most had expected.

You might remember the comedy starring Michael Keaton and Terry Garr called “Mr. Mom” which was a popular hit movie in 1983. Back then, the concept of a stay-at-home dad was quite novel, but today that’s not the case. In 2010 it was reported that over 158,000 fathers residing in the United States were staying at home with their kids for countless reasons.

For an increasing number of families, it makes sense, given that the recession has hit male-dominated fields the hardest, women wield more economic power than ever and child-care costs are rising faster than inflation, according to a report by the Center for American Progress from the University of California's Hastings College of the Law.

Those who knew a family with a Mr. Mom said that, overall, it has been a very positive experience for everyone involved, especially the kids.

“My brother’s best friend lost his job as an accountant at a large bank in New York about three years ago. His wife, a financial planner on Wall Street, was making nearly twice what he was at the time, so they decided it was crazy for them to continue paying the high cost of day care for their three kids. They gave it a trial run for three months, but after the first few weeks, they all loved how it was working out,” shared Jean Mumford of Saunderstown.

So what makes this type of arrangement a success or a flop?  Here’s some interesting information that we found regarding the topic.

Setting expectations for dad’s responsibilities  

Staying home is a huge change for any working adult— male or female — who is used to being in the workforce. While most stay-at-home moms shoulder the responsibility of grocery shopping, laundry, housekeeping, cooking, childcare, organizing their kid’s activities and 1,000 other items, the discussion of what dad’s role will be, aside from caring for the kids on a regular basis, should be had before this transition happens if at all possible. 

This will help to eliminate some of the assumptions that both mom and dad have when this transition happens. It’s also important for any children in the house, particularly older ones, to be part of this discussion so that they can do their share as well. Obviously, this will be different for every family, but expectations are key.

Number Crunching

 Having a parent stay home has huge economic consequences, so it is very important that families jumping from two to one salary review their finances.  This means taking a hard, honest look at your spending habits and coming to grips with what you can and cannot live without.  Get ready — the “budget” word may have to enter the picture, something many families just wing each month. Of course, such a budget works both ways and can show you where you’ll be saving money as well.  Cutting out spending on daycare, commuting, work clothes and takeout lunches and meals can run into the thousands for a family of four.

Time Out For Dad

At-home fatherhood can easily become a 24-hour-a-day, seven-day-a-week job, but like any endeavor, time away from the “workplace” is enormously valuable.  Just ask all the moms that do this all week long! Any at-home parent should give themselves a chance to recharge their batteries away from the kids by focusing on a favorite hobby, join the local , find a flexible part-time job where there will be some adult interaction or even a regular night out each week with other dads.  Those efforts carry both the short-term benefits of renewed vigor as well as long-term benefits should at-home fathers begin to transfer back to the workforce.

An Exit Plan

Very few at-home dads stay out of the job market forever, so men that have made the switch from the executive life to changing diapers might want to strategize about whether this will be a short or long-term plan and what an exit plan might look for when he does reenter the workforce.

Loving What You Do

It is fundamental truth that you get out of any effort what you put into it, and parenthood is no different. If you were entering your corporate job every morning with an angry or lethargic attitude, you sure wouldn’t be too successful, and those working with you will want to steer clear. But when you get out of bed every day and love what you do, you end up creating a positive atmosphere for yourself and those who surround you every day. 

The role of a stay-at-home dad should be no different. By shooting to be the best possible dad doesn’t only give the children the richest possible environment, it gives fathers a great deal of satisfaction. A dad who parks their child in front of the TV all day may be less exhausted at day’s end than an engaged dad, but they’re also less fulfilled. There’s much to be said for taking pride in your work, whether it is creating stock portfolios or forging young minds.

Surround yourself with other stay-at-home dads

Ask most moms who are up to their necks in Cheerios and cranky toddlers will tell you sometimes the best way they can save their sanity is by hanging out with other stay-at-home moms who are going through the same exact trials that they are.  Stay-at-home dads may be the minority right now, but they are steadily growing in numbers and many have formed clubs and even websites to connect and give one another support and tips.  Check out this site, http://www.athomedad.org/ and you might be able to find a local chapter.

Are you or someone you know a proud stay-at-home dad?  How do you manage in your role at home?  Our Patch community here in NK would love to hear your thoughts here in the comment section.  Also, if you’re interested in joining our NK Parents' Council or have a question you’d like us to tackle, please e-mail me at CB091987@aol.com or e-mail our editor, Samantha Turner at Samantha.Turner@patch.com